Cocktails & Caregivers
Cocktails & Caregivers provides support, grants, and a sense of community for those who are caring for loved ones suffering from long-term sickness, disability, or terminal illness. Whether you’re a caregiver, a worried family member, a friend, a donor, or just like strong cocktails and strong people– Cocktails & Caregivers hope this little piece of the internet gives you courage.
Transcript
Meagan Lockhart
Next, we’ll have Amanda with Cocktails and Caregivers.
Amanda Clark
Thank you for having me. My name is Amanda, and I am the founder of Cocktails and Caregivers. I’ve been loving all your presentations. When my husband was diagnosed with colon cancer in 2011 he was 28. I was 28. I very vividly remember the nurse walking into the room and saying, “Are you his caregiver?” And kind of like looking up, like looking around for an old lady, you know, like, I know I’m way too hot to be a caregiver, and then realizing that it was actually this job that I had not applied for, that I very quickly was thrown into. I felt very underqualified for, and how utterly alone I felt because of that. There just were not other people out there like me or had gone through this, and the people that were, were going through completely different life experiences. And so I decided to kind of take that word ‘caregiver’, which I hated for a very long time, and embrace it and try to make caregiving cool again, and do exactly that. So like I mentioned, my name is Amanda, and this is my co founder, Mira. Mira was just 11 months old when her dad passed away from colon cancer in 2014, the shitty disease, as you know, and I had a moment after my husband passed, we had been sharing our journey, like so many of you do, as like a coping mechanism, and we started the blog, “Cocktails and Chemo” because we went from our martini cocktail dates to chemotherapy dates, and it just kind of transitioned in that way. And the more that we shared really authentically and vulnerably, the more that we started connecting with other caregivers that were just like us, and they’re like, man, we’re going through this too, and I’ve never met anybody else. And the little internet world started to feel smaller and smaller as people started following our blog. So when my husband died, I remember the day he died, and telling me, he’s like, “Man, we’ve really done something cool here, like, there’s something here”. And I kind of felt that as my calling, but I didn’t know what to do. I was like, “I don’t know how to solve the cancer problems. I don’t know how to do any of this, but I do feel like I can kind of tackle these issues that have faced me as a as a caregiver, and Joe was all in 100%”. And so everything we do is really in honor of him, but really also in honor of the invisible caregiver that’s fighting alongside them. So we’re constantly I making it up as we go. I vividly remember googling ‘how to start a nonprofit’, and a lot of our work has been just from a need and figuring out what to do from there. We offer three main things through our nonprofit. One of them is that we send care packages monthly. If someone is nominated on our website. It is my goal that they will receive something to us from us within 30 days. So it’s really that feeling of when you don’t know what to do, Cocktails and Caregivers does. Because we’ve all been in that situation where our friend is hurting, or they’re a caregiver, and I don’t really know what to do. It’s like, “let us do this”. You nominate them here, we’re going to send the love to them. We also do some events in person, which I have here, is like our caregiver essays. It’s about forming that connection. We have a place on our website where people can submit their stories and we share them, and we also host in-person events. So the events are really essential, where we can refill their cup with wine or whatever they may need. But really it’s about that that energy and telling them that they can’t give from an empty cup and allowing them that grace to do that. And then we have our grant programs, the ‘Our Tribe Grant Program’ helps people pay for childcare needs. Maybe you have someone that’s going through chemotherapy and you need to be in two places: home with a child and at chemotherapy. Let us help pay for your daycare, or a nanny, or sending your kids to camp for the summer so that they can feel like some sense of normalcy. We’ve gotten really creative with those grants throughout the years. We’re actually getting ready to have our 10 year anniversary this year of being an official nonprofit, which is wild to me, super crazy, but like so many of you had talked about, is just the patient-caregiver connection and a need that I really felt during that time was the financial burden. Let’s be honest. It’s, like, people are like, “What can I do? Can I bring you a lasagna?” And you’re like, “I really need $10,000 but yeah, that sounds great.” And that’s just, like, the transparent thing that we try to do. If we can find a way to fundraise and do what we can to take some of the burden off of caregivers, even if it is just one month of pain for their child care, or giving them a little cushion. That’s what we aim to do, because we know how important it is. Which leads me to our newest Grant Program, which is what I really wanted to make sure I talked about today. Our ‘Keeping Caregivers Close’ program is all about providing travel expenses for caregivers who are traveling with a patient who need to maybe stay at the hotel nearby, Uber back and forth, the plane tickets, they’re eating in the hospital where they like to charge you $14 a Starbucks, so that the caregiver can feel like they can go with them. And so it’s all about keeping the caregiver close, and while so often insurance can provide help with the patient, there’s not a lot of that help for the caregiver. They need to run to the grocery to pick up a few items: that’s where this new grant program comes in. I’m really excited about it. We just launched it at the top of this year, and have started giving grants away monthly. It’s an easy nomination process. We have our caregivers go online, and fill out the paperwork. We’ll have one of our volunteers check in with you, do a little mini background check. It’s nothing crazy, and then find the best way to meet that need. So a new grant program, if you have caregivers in your life that are looking for some of that, is something we’re really proud of and it’s really close to me. So just more about that: This is our first family. We actually were able to give a grant to the Rivera family. He actually has colon cancer, and they live in Chicago. It always makes me cry, huh? And this wife’s just, she’s doing it all, right? She’s a superhero, badass lady. And she’s just, she’s drained. They have this little boy, and they’ve got to get back and forth between Chicago and MD Anderson and the expenses of that. So I had her give me some of those rough numbers of what that looked like for her. And you guys, I’m not telling these caregivers that are on this call anything they don’t already know, but she was asking probably $7,000 per trip, and what that does to a family in a year and truly, we all know we’re giving so much more than an Uber ride a plane ticket. We’re giving hope, because in those moments when you feel like there’s a doctor somewhere that may have a second opinion or may have another trial, or may have something whether the end result gives us something different, I don’t know, but in those moments, hope is the greatest gift we can give. And so that’s where that some of the financial aid comes in. I threw in some pictures of some of our cute caregivers that we’ve helped, some of the events that we’ve posted, because I think they’re cute. Look at all those cute faces. But what is a caregiver? So for us, a caregiver is any unpaid loved one who is caring for someone who is sick, facing cancer, a disability. We’ve expanded a little outside of cancer, which was weird for me at first, because that is what I I know in my personal life. But I started connecting with all these other caregivers who didn’t have resources either, and at the root of what we knew, that invisible, lonely feeling was there. And so we’ve expanded, and that’s actually why we changed our name two years ago, from Cocktails and Chemo to Cocktails and Caregivers, so that we could create an inclusive place where any caregiver, mother, son, father could come in and hopefully find some of that connection in the resources there. So nothing you don’t already know, all the jobs that caregivers are doing, assisting with medication, coordinating medical appointments, doing freaking everything, cleaning, the therapy, counseling, emotional support, best friend, loved one, punching bag. Caregivers are doing it all, and it’s why we know that they’re so important to keep their mental health strong, so that they can be strong for their loved one. It is essential to the family unit. It is essential to our society. And I truly believe that. We host a luncheon every year in the Chicago suburbs, if anyone is close to that area. This is a photo from our last one, where we had caregivers from all over we hosted for a three course meal. We paid for them. Some of them drank too much wine, but they’re having a nice little time and a nice little respite moment. And we have gifts and raffles, and it really is like, I want them to come in and feel like it’s okay to say, like this is really hard, and I need a minute to just recharge, so we love our lunch. This is a look at the care boxes that we send. We also do some blowout parties. We sponsor families around Christmas, but this is just a look at some of the little gifts that we send to the caregivers who are nominated on our website. We also have a new partnership with Indiana University, the Simon Cancer Resource Center. I’m excited to be on this call with you, because I don’t have great ins at hospitals beyond my local hospitals, and we have created these caregiver survival kits. If you’ve ever found yourself all of a sudden in a hospital stay, you realize you have nothing that you need. So in these kits, you would have a toothbrush, some makeup, wipes, a phone charger, pens, a journal, just some small things. And we’ve been able to pack up 150 of these that are sitting at the IU Simon Cancer Resource Center, so that a nurse could bring it up to the room, or they could tell a caregiver, “Hey, go down to the resource center. There’s some things for you”. I’m looking to grow those partnerships with other hospitals, because I have the goods. I’ve packed the bags, now I just need to find people who will help me pass them out. I love a little call to action for all of you, if you know anywhere where we could get them in. Another response that we got from a caregiver that was in the hospital, and they received one of these care bags, just saying that it brought tears to her eyes, and it meant so much to her. So that might be happy sometimes, you don’t know, and so that felt good. I’m going to send this video out afterwards so that you guys can see it, but it’s just a little story about what we do, why we do it. Look how cute my little girl is. She’s 10, she’s big. She just shouldn’t like anymore, but she’s so sweet, and it’s just a special way for me to honor her dad and just kind of show her that when hard things happen, you have a choice, right, crusade or crumble, and sometimes that can feel really overwhelming. But if there’s anything that I can leave with a caregiver that’s on here today, I want you to know that while you have a sad story, you are not a sad story, and you have the power, and you have, you deserve to be cared for, and to take a moment just for you, and to say, “this is really freaking hard.” You’re allowed to that. And I hope that that you can hear that from me today and give yourself a little bit of grace. But this is our new grant program, you can look it up online. That was smart, how you guys put your websites at the end. I didn’t think about that, but we’re just at cocktailsandcaregivers.org and at the top it says, “I’m a caregiver”. You can click there if you want to nominate somebody, if you want to find out about our events. I am headquartered in Indianapolis, Indiana, but we are a national organization with a chapter in Florida and in the suburbs of Chicago. So that’s my spiel. I tried to be quick. Thank you guys, so much for having us and just for all the work that all these other organizations are doing.
Meagan Lockhart
That’s fantastic. Thank you so much for sharing your story, and then everything that you’ve done to help the caregivers going through something similar of what you’ve had to, so thank you so much for being here and sharing with us today.
Amanda Clark
Thanks for having me.
Meagan Lockhart
And I’ll have your website in our program at the end, posted on our website too, so we’ll be able to find you.
Amanda Clark
Thank you.
Cocktails & Caregivers
Cocktails & Caregivers provides support, grants, and a sense of community for those who are caring for loved ones suffering from long-term sickness, disability, or terminal illness. Whether you’re a caregiver, a worried family member, a friend, a donor, or just like strong cocktails and strong people– Cocktails & Caregivers hope this little piece of the internet gives you courage.





